Sex and Politics in the Barnyard

       Of all the animals on the farm, cows most easily lend themselves to personification. They are large mammals with relatively complex needs and relationships, and their heads are approximately at human eye level.

       Recently, the intrigue surrounding the cows has been Bill’s ongoing attempts to breed one of them. His priority is to assure that at least one cow is milking next season. With the two currently milking cows running dry in the next few months, this means that one needs to become pregnant this summer.

First, the personalities:

DB doesn't take nonsense from anyone

Boston- the dignified matriarch of the herd. She is old, old (nine or more?), and a retired commercial milking cow. She has lived out her retirement thus far at Hatchet Cove Farm giving birth once and milking since.

            Fluffy – Boston’s son. Once he became too old to milk Boston directly, he was ostracized from the barn to hang out alone on pasture elsewhere on the farm. Somewhat lonely, and useless as a steer, he is set to be ‘beefed’ later this autumn. 

DB (a.k.a. PrettyShiny, or Big Lady. DB stands for Dutch Belted, her breed.) – DB is the current darling of the cows. She was bought in the past couple months, and is huge and beautiful, presumably with years of fertility ahead. Her teats are irregularly sized, and her udder is covered in long hairs. More challenging to milk than Boston, her milk is judged by some to be vastly superior.

Fluffy the loner enjoys pasture

            

           (Nameless) Calf – the adopted son of DB. When the farm purchased DB, the agreement included taking this male calf. Male calves are not really of use to anyone unless you need a bull (to impregnate cows), or want to train an ox (to haul your things around for work or sport). Because of this, calves are sometimes foisted on buyers of more valuable milking cows.

Cookie – the lapsed favorite. She was bought with eventual milking in mind. Bill raised her to be accustomed to people and easy to handle. This summer, she was sent to a neighboring farm where she lived for two months on pasture, with access to bulls who would breed her. In a dramatic fall from her previous stature, she returned not only not pregnant, but entirely unruly and resistant to people. She breaks out of the barnyard to eat tiny spinach, moans ferally, harasses the other cows, and resists approaches by humans. Not only is she not pulling her weight, she is generally a nuisance.

Elton – a bull visiting from another farm, for the goal of impregnating one of the cows. He is however submissive, unskilled, and timid. He has demonstrated his lack of skill in mating, and routinely lets Cookie browbeat him. He is also reportedly afraid of grass (preferring the safety of the concrete barnyard).

       Cookie was the first best candidate for pregnancy. Young and moderately docile, she would release Boston from calf-bearing burdens. With her failure to breed and fiendish conversion, however, no bets remain dependent on her. DB was purchased in order to take the pregnancy mantle. The first time DB went into heat though, was comic and unsuccessful. We would watch the barnyard as the Elton uncertainly circled DB, who would occasionally mount him as if in demonstration. Ultimately, though, Cookie bust in and threw everyone for a loop by taking an interest in DB and repeatedly mounting her, apparently to their mutual delight.

cows enjoy turnip leftovers- DB, Boston, Elton, Cookie

       DB went into heat again this week (unsurprisingly- between Elton and Cookie there was never a substantial chance for pregnancy), and Bill immediately borrowed a ‘proven’ bull (“Grata”) to visit for a couple days. As Bill arranged the trailer containing the bull and the cows within and without the barnyard, excitement among cattle and apprentices was palpable. DB mooed her emotions to him, and he stomped and snorted intimidatingly through the grating. Bill released the bull into the pen we closed the double-gate behind him. While Boston stood aside (and Cookie howled her protests from the pasture), DB and the Grata began to circle one another. Grata’s intermittent efforts at mounting are often undercut by DB’s ceaseless circling, as well as his significantly inferior size. Human observers are lined up along the gate, watching as if at a sporting event. We chatter and spectate, simultaneously cheering on the underdog Grata, and sympathizing with Cookie’s cast-aside sorrows.

       Possibly almost entirely constructed by the observers, this drama nonetheless defines human-cow interactions on the farm. One hand, they are almost entirely our pawns, with their shelter, food, lactation, and reproduction entirely under our control. However, there remains some room for them to exert their own will. We can put a bull and cow in heat into a pen, but if she resists then there won’t be a pregnancy. If it turns out she would rather spend her time in heat mounting other female cows, then no one will get pregnant either. While it’s likelier that we exist on the outermost periphery of their awareness, it’s nice to take credit for and joke about the spread of our permissive and gender-role-undermining culture.